I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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