okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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