she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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