WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
