so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
