and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
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