Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
