I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So much rum. So many feels.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
