i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
