your thong is hanging out like whoa
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you will always have a special place in my vag
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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