wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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