i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
