he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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