you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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