Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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