If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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