He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
