I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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