I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
