the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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