butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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