At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
