i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
