whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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