I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
