Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
