I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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