Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
