Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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