just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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