I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
two words: eviction party
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
