Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
