I wish my penis had an off switch
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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