Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
