Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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