Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
