at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Houston, we have a squirter
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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