My brain says no but my pants say off.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize