the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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