this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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