do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
