So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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