Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
