Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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