he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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