You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
