I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
