Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
