Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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