When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
