I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it's great music for shaving your balls
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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