Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
