I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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