your thong is hanging out like whoa
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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