oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
