that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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