Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
