took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
