Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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