left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
