my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Are we still banned from the library?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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