apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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