she was so not down for the gang bang
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
