I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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