Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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