is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
