i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
