I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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