wat bout pragnant strippers??
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Holy sore nipples Batman
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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