Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
